Take Care of YOURSELF!!!

***WARNING, THE POST BELOW IS VERY PERSONAL, HONEST and DIRECT.  

This is a reflection of my life.  

This post is not meant to cause a debate.***  

My dad has been in the hospital.  
He has diabetes, "heart issues," sleep apnea and so many other issues that effect his life that I could write a whole post about his health issues.  I have been running myself into the ground trying to meet the demands of my family, job and every other obligation.  

I felt myself becoming very angry, short-tempered and envisioning myself karate kicking most people I interacted with((I do not participate in violence though)(not you babe, my BFF, the fur kids or my fav tattoo artists)).  

Having a sick parent who looks and feels like they're a step away from ICU is really overwhelming.  

Did I mention that both of my parents are on crutches as well?

*I do not want your pity, just sharing what's going on*

I have battled health issues almost my whole life, most of which are not readily seen by the naked eye.  

My family's health started to take priority over my own and the weeks of this sacrifice  has caught up with me yet again.

Yoga practice? non-existent.  Gym? barely once a week.  Nutrition? what's that. Anxiety?  Just typing about it, is making me shake.....The D word(depression) creeping in at a steady rate.

I put on the brakes. I took inventory of what I was sacrificing for everyone else.  I cried to my man, ranted to my bff and pet the fur kids to the point that they would scramble away.

Many tears, sleepless nights and feeling beyond distraught;
I remembered one of my fav. teachings from his Holiness, the Dalai Lama. 
The just of it, you can't care for others without resentment if you are not caring for yourself first.  This is not selfish.-The art of compassion-  
(To be frank, I believe the culture I was raised in plays a role in why I have difficult time caring for myself. Another post, another day.)


My Sleep? slowly getting back on track, thanks to my very supportive and patient fiancee.  

I have had to let go of somethings and some people...
I am slowly getting my nutrition and gym schedule back on track.
I am looking for a new yogi since my mentor is unavailable.  

My dad, still in the hospital, but hopefully moving to a less critical unit soon.

I can't control other people's choices(dad's decisions not take care of himself, a friends progression into addiction, etc)
but I can control how I treat myself.

It is okay to take care of your own needs first.

*If you read this and you see me sleep deprived again, eating garbage(lb of jelly bellies for dinner???) and pounding coffee, please gently remind me that I deserve more. *